October 1, 2003

Viva Las Diary-gas!

Hey Diary! As you can tell from my greeting I just got back from Las Vegas, otherwise known as, the Land of Automatic Bathrooms. If you just took a whiz in Vegas and the toilet DIDN'T flush itself then you better get outta there fast, brother, 'cause that building is probably condemned! Anyway, I was in town because my buddy Marc just had his birthday and he chose to celebrate with a week in Vegas. It had been a good long time since I really cut loose so I was determined to party hard. Well, I think I might have shortened my potential life span by 5 years or so, but I did indeed succeed in partying hard. Most of my "hard partying", for lack of a better word, took place at the New York, New York Casino with the beautiful ladies at the Coyote Ugly Saloon. Why was I so fond of this particular bar over any other in Las Vegas? Well, it was the first place EVER that a hot bartender, that wasn't my friend, bought me a drink. Thanks Danielle, that totally made my week.=) Thanks also to Jen, Robbie, and Bree for being such sweethearts and to John the bouncer for being the coolest bouncer there. In a perfect world I would get to marry every single one of those beautiful girls that work there. In a less than perfect world I would get to marry every girl there but then they would all quickly divorce me, taking with them everything I own. Though, taking stock of all I that currently own, that would mean that every girl would walk away with roughly half a can of tuna and 2 porno magazines. But, hey, I've known people to marry for less than that, so… The offer is on the table ladies, that's all I'm saying.

But Vegas wasn't just a pointless foray into debauchery. Oh, no Diary! It was also a tax write off! At least I hope it was. Oh God do I hope it was. Well most importantly it was a learning experience, so here is a few of the crucial life lessons that I learned in my week in Sin City:

1. Remember, you don't need a hotel to take a shower, just gym membership.
2. If you need to sleep in your car, park on the west side of a building unless you want the sun (or as I like to call it, God's Flashlight o' Whoopass) to wake you up at 6 in the morning.
3. Although it might seem like a fun idea to call your friends at 2 in the morning, all it will do is alarm them.
4. It is possible to get all the calories you need from alcohol alone.
5. Hugo Moreno is the MAN!
6. It takes exactly 8.5 gallons of gasoline and 4 Red Bulls to drive from Las Vegas to Los Angeles.
7. Some women are really men.
8. There is no substitute for comfortable shoes.
9. Never try to play "Love Rollercoaster" at the Coyote Ugly unless you want a bartender to tell you "not to play shitty songs". Whoever you were, babe, that took nerve.
10. In Las Vegas, there ain't a whole lot to do during the daylight hours.

In addition to learning things in Vegas I am also pleased to tell you that I was rewarded for ALREADY knowing things. Marc and I and some local friends won the weekly trivia contest at McMullen's Pub. We actually came in second place but the team that came in first place the week before was handicapped 5 points so we ended up winning. What are my two new favorite words in the world? Why "handy" and "capped", of course. We won a $100 dollar bar tab and may be invited to come back in a month to participate in the Tournament of Champions! Wish us luck, Diary.

As I was telling you about last month Diary, Casting Director Dos and Don'ts with Dave and Mikey was recently completed. Well, if you look at the top of the page you will notice a new section titled "Reel". If you click on it you can find streaming versions of our little movie for your viewing pleasure. But that's not all! While searching the Mikey Newman archives my sister discovered the long lost copy of Mikey's week on Romper Room. If you ever wanted to see how far Mikey has come since he was 5 years old then keep checking back because clips will be available in the reel section in a matter of days! Also, I am proud to announce that I have lined up my first special guest for my upcoming series Mikey Newman Celebrity Interviews. If you want to be informed of updates as they come then, by all means, sign up for the Mikey Newman Mailing List in the contact section.

Let freedom ring from every bell, Diary! I have ended my servitude at Urban Outfitters and have once again achieved the status of "Burden on Society". I knew it was time to leave when I realized that instead of working for 8 hours I was actually spending 8 hours suppressing a tortured scream. Not a good sign. Don't worry though. I only plan on relaxing for a few weeks and then it will be back to the job hunt. So, Diary, if you or anybody out there know of any insanely high paying and extremely flexible jobs out there please let me know.

Well, Diary, I better go now. I have a Tournament of Champions to prepare for and I better get cramming if I'm going to help us bring home that trophy. Better go set the Tivo to record Jeopardy! Here's an easy one in the style of Jeopardy. The answer is: My initials. Question: What is "How I end all my Diary entries."?

MN