March 13, 2003

Dear Diary,

Wow, it has sure been a while since we last talked Diary. Sorry about that. I've been spending waaaaay too much time playing pool. So much has happened since I last wrote in you. The Super Bowl, a Groundlings show, my Birthday, Valentine's Day, President's Day, ALL of Black History Month, and last but not least, the final performance of my sketch show. Where do I begin?

Well Diary, for starters the Tampa Bay Buccaneers won Super Bowl XXXVII by beating the Oakland Raiders 48 - 21. Yeah, that's right. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Get rid of the Nacho Cheese colored jerseys and the next thing you know they are World Champions. Well, even I could have told you that wearing bright orange WON'T help your chances of winning, and I'm the same guy who has to check to see if his toothbrush is wet to make sure he brushed his teeth that morning. Just thought you'd like to know Diary, since I know you don't get TV in Diaryland.

Oooh. Next came the SPS Show at the Groundlings. It was a rousing success. I was a little nervous having my first performance ever on the Groundlings Stage especiall since it was only my second live Improv performance ever. But 3 Vicodins and a Harvey Wallbanger later and I was a cool as ice. Afterwards I was showered with praise from my friends telling me what a great job I did. I had so much fun and I can't wait to do it again. Now if only I had remembered to invite industry people instead of my friends, who, just between you and me Diary, are kinda useless. But don't tell them. Especially Dave Matos. He's the most useless. It's our secret Diary, 'kay?

Then came my Birthday. I can't tell you which Birthday Diary because I need to keep my age a secret. If any Casting Directors find out that I am really 68 years old, I'll never land the part on the Even NEWER Mickey Mouse Club. Why anyone would want to watch a group of teenagers sing for an hour about a cartoon mouse every week is beyond me. But I also never thought they would make a movie about a kangaroo who steals $50, 000 from Jerry O'Connell so what do I know? Nothing. Nothing is also what I knew about my friends throwing a surprise Birthday Party for me. They snookered me good. I was so out of it that I didn't figure out that they were taking me to dinner until my 6th friend showed up who just happened to be "in the area". I should have realized that NO ONE is just "in the area" in Santa Monica.

Valentine's Day was spent alone and crying. I fell down a flight of stairs in an abandoned building.

President's Day…President's Day…Hmmmm…I still have a problem believing this is a real holiday. I would probably appreciate it more if had an actual job and got the day off from work, but I don't so to me it was just another day. Actually I spent that day having lunch with my friends Dave, Marc, and Rahul while we asked each other President related trivia. First Prize? Being the guy who knew the most about President related trivia.

Black History Month was originally started by Carter G. Woodson as Black History Week on February 12, 1926 and was celebrated for many years after that during the 2nd week of February. Black History Week became Black History Month in 1976, as part of the nation's Bicentennial. Food for thought, Diary, food for thought…

Sadly my sketch show at the LA Connection has come to an end. We celebrated our last show by getting tipsy off of champagne and then performing the show. It was a blast. It was by far the best show we EVER had. The audience was great and every bit got a huge response. I even had my first fan come up to me after the show and tell me how much they liked it. It was then that I decided to be drunk every time I perform. In less than a year I hope to have a crippling chemical dependency problem and be forced into rehab. My E! True Hollywood Story should come out shortly thereafter.

Well, Diary I hope you are all caught up on my life now. If you and anyone reading this missed my sketch show or my SPS show don't you worry. I have a new sketch show coming up in May and I will be doing another SPS sometime around late April to Early May so keep on checking back to the main page for performance updates. Talk to you later!

MN