January 6, 2004

Dear Diary,

Merry New Year!! Bonus points to whoever can name the movie that quote is from. (Note: Bonus points are for novelty purposes only and carry no cash value.) Also I would like to take this opportunity to wish my Mommy yet another Happy Birthday. Much props to Moms whose been "Kickin' it Like Shannen Doherty since 1940!" I came up with that MYSELF! (Note: Actually, Dave came up with that one after Mikey mistakenly wrote 1939 in the first draft and had to change it after his mom called him and corrected him. He claimed that "…nothing rhymes with forty!") Word up to you, Moms. I would also like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy Thanksgiving. I meant to write journal entries for those days too but decided not to because I am lazy and filled with hate. Oh yeah and Happy Birthday to my Dad and Sis. I swear to God your presents should get there as soon as I figure out what to get you, pay for it, and have it sent in the mail. There, now that the administrative stuff is out of the way I can bore you with more stories. Yay!

So, as if to prove that sometimes good things happen to evil, evil people who are definitely going straight to hell, I booked a one liner on a the TV show Monk! This marks my first ever Television role. Special thanks go to Lonnie "the Hammer" Hamerman for calling me in and letting me read for several roles, including a huge guest star role. I didn't get it, but I was flattered nonetheless. The part I DO play is the sound editor on a TV show, which I assume I got because I look like a big, fat, ugly nerd and I never shower. Having said that, how much you wanna bet the next show I am on has curiously bad sound quality in all my scenes? I just checked and word is that the episode will air on January 30th at 10PM/9PM Central on the USA Network and if you can believe it, the ENTIRE episode revolves around my one line! (Note: The entire episode does NOT revolve around his one line.) The coolest thing of all is that my buddy Dave also booked a role in that same episode. Watch for the character of the Assistant Director. If you watch carefully they inserted a frame where he isn't wearing any pants. (Note: This didn't really happen. It is a known fact that Dave has and, God willing, always will wear pants.)

So, as if to prove that sometimes two good things happen to vile, vile war criminals, who can only escape justice for so long, I also booked my SECOND TV role. I have been interning at Coast to Coast, a Theatrical (meaning Film/TV) Agency for a few months now. They asked me if I wanted to go on an audition for a small role on the TV show Still Standing the next day and I said, "I would kill for you if you only asked." They, several minutes later, realizing that my cryptic response actually meant "yes" made the arrangements. I went in the next day and read for Deb Barylski and booked the part beating out 4 other FULL BLOODED ASIANS for the part. And they said that a filthy half-breed like me would never amount to anything! (Note: No one has ever said this to Mikey. He just likes to feel like he is overcoming some kind of great adversity when in actuality he lives a pampered, spoiled existence and would last about 5 minutes in the real world.) I started work the next day and 2 days later we shot the episode in front of a live studio audience. Neat, huh? It was sort of like being in a play that rehearsed for 3 days, performed for one night, and instead of having to be quiet backstage you threw a huge catered party. The entire cast was insanely nice too, considering that I was a lowly co-star and they were hot shot series regulars, so mad props to them too. And super duper thanks go to Kevin "Turn-tables" Turner, Amber "the Razor" Raitz, and Elyah "Time to Ill" Doryon over at Coast to Coast and Deb and Leann over at Deb Barylski's office for making it all happen for me.

So, as if to prove that sometimes three good things happen to grotesquely, grotesquely misshapen abominations against humanity that should have been smothered in their cribs, I finally got a Theatrical Agent! (Note: Mikey still sleeps in a crib.) I will give you three guesses as to who it is…no, that's not it…no, that's not it either…no, that's an automobile made by Oldsmobile. Okay, so maybe this is a little harder than it should be. I'll just tell you. It's Coast to Coast, silly! See, I knew you knew you silly Diary. You were just playing fun with me you scamp! Well, after I booked the part they checked out my website, watched some of the movies, and presumably read you Diary. I hope you did nothing to embarrass me. But either way, they called me the next day and asked if I wanted to sign with them! Well, being no sucker, I immediately said "I would kill for you if you only asked." which they remembered from before was my somewhat disturbing version of "yes" and the rest is history.

So as if to prove that sometimes productive things can come from lazy, lazy wastes of carbon and oxygen that will never amount to anything, I put up some more movies on the site (with Rahul's help of course). If you go to the Reel section you will see that there is an assload of new movies for you to download and watch. I added a bunch of clips from my week on Romper Room when I was 5 years old. I hope you appreciate my honesty. I had the option of only showing clips of me looking cool as a kid, you know, driving around on my Harley (Note: The only "bike" Mikey ever rode was a Huffy BMX dirt bike.) with a hot babe riding behind me (Note: Girls do not like Mikey.) wearing my leather jacket but no! I showed you the clips where I look like a total jackass. That took guts! Also you will notice that I managed to interview a movie star and I put the footage up for your enjoyment. All proceeds from Mikey Newman Celebrity Interview will be donated to the Mikey Newman Needs to Eat This Month Fund.

Well, that seems to be all I can remember of the last 3 months Diary. But don't worry. I'm sure that in three months I will acquire yet more boring stories. I mean, this is me after all. Have a great New Year Diary, and good luck with your resolutions. I really think that this will finally be the year you stop smoking. Here's hoping you are "Kickin' it some more in 2004!" I came up with that myself. (Note: No one cares.)

MN