January 6, 2003

Dear Diary,

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to YOU Diary! I had such a great vacation. Vacation from what, you say? I don't DO anything, you say? Well you have got me there, Diary. I AM a useless sack of crap. I admit it. But THIS useless sack of crap has a website so he can say whatever he damn well pleases. I just spent the last two weeks in Berkeley visiting my craaaaaazy family! By the way if you are reading this: Happy Birthday Mom! Diary wishes you a Happy Birthday too. Stop sucking up to my mom, Diary!

So many interesting things happened to me while I was in the Bay Area. I got to go rock climbing for the first time in 7 months and if you think that not climbing for 7 months makes you better at climbing you are dead wrong. My tubby ass couldn't do a V0+ the first day back. For you non-climbing nerds out there that is the same as being a gardener and not being able to keep a cactus alive. My arms hurt sooooo much that I couldn't even wash my hair properly for 2 days. I just ended up smooshing shampoo across the top of my head-crying all the while.

Then there was the day that I forgot that I was right handed. I was helping my mom carry some groceries into the house and I had all the heavy bags on my right arm and I thought, "Good, that's my weak arm. It needs the exercise. Wait a second, my right arm is my STRONG arm." You know something is wrong when you can't even remember that you are right handed. But I certainly remembered which was my strong hand later that night, if you know what I mean (wink, wink).

And what vacation would be complete with out a little bit of Super Monkey Ball on the Game Cube. I went to my friend Marc's house and we stayed up until 5 AM playing Monkey Bowling. Since then I decided to abandon my lifelong dream of becoming an actor and devote the rest of my existence to figuring out how to get a monkey into a bowling ball and make it bowl for me. You are probably thinking, "Mikey, that is ridiculous. You have a degree in Dramatic Arts. You're too old to learn a new skill." But what everyone doesn't know is that while at UC Berkeley I secretly Minored in Monkey Physics! And everyone knows that UC Berkeley has one of the finest Monkey Physics Departments in the Nation. Just ask my friend Dave Matos. He'll confirm it. And for those of you wondering what my high score was (ie. none of you) it was 247.

Well Diary, unless I can manage to turn you into a monkey to be used in my diabolical experimentation, I guess I'm done with you for the night. But rest lightly Diary, there will come the day when I DO figure out how to turn you into a monkey or at the very least need to write another journal entry. G'Night.

MN