February 4, 2004

Dearest Diary,

How I love you. Let me count the ways. One. …Okay…well I'm done. Moving on. So recently it has been brought to my attention that there are certain things you should not write in an online journal that your parents have access to unless you want them to give you a worried phone call. Just so everyone knows, many of the events of these journals are exaggerated for comic purposes and some of them, (I'm not telling which) have not happened at all. But just to be safe, this month there will be no references to drinking, driving, drinking and driving, driving over 35 MPH, drinking and eating, eating anything of sufficient size to be choked on, and ANYTHING to do with sex. That is a phone call from my mom I really just don't need.

Okay, so…

Um…

Yeah, well, then that about does it for this month. See ya later Diary!

MN

All right, I'm just joking Diary. There were plenty of non-debauchery related events this month (for once) and I'll even tell you about them. Since my Birthday is in February God has decided to give me my Birthday present a little bit in advance. The beginning of February saw the airing of both of my first two appearances on television. The first appearance was on Monk and it first aired at 10PM on January 30, 2004. Mark that day on your calendar, Diary. It is the day that changed the world! That was the day that Justin Timberlake ripped off Mikey's flimsy boob covering revealing his nipple in a tawdry display to the shock and dismay of millions of stunned Super Bowl fans! I think. Anyway, USA Network must have loved my performance a lot because they proceeded to show that episode like 8 times in the upcoming week. I'm pretty sure that every episode of Monk doesn't get that kind of treatment! (It does.) My second appearance was on Monday February 2, 2004 on the CBS sitcom Still Standing, where I played the member of a high school basketball team who has a child. Ha ha! Boy, that reminds me of this one time in High School when I …um… uh …nevermind.

After nearly 2 years of waiting, I have finally started the Writing Lab class at the Groundlings. I have only been to two classes but the two monologues that I wrote thus far have been deemed soooooooo funny by my writing instructor Karen Maruyama that they have completely shut down the school, realizing that nothing could ever top them so why even bother. But, don't worry, they are going to finish up my class and let us perform our Writing Lab show, but then after that it's all over. So come out and see what is most likely the last Groundlings show EVER, on March 7, 2004. The tickets are free but you gotta tell me to put you on the list so email me if you want to go. There may, of course, be more shows after that if someone manages to write something better than what I have written, but, it isn't bloody likely!

Okay, so I am sleepy now and tired of trying to come up with things that have NOTHING to do with a life of sin. Therefore, I'm gonna sign off for real this time. Good luck on Valentine's Day, Diary. I hope you nail some sort of hot Franklin Planner or Mead Notebook or something.

MN