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Ever wondered what it would be like if Mikey had the ability to grow ACTUAL facial hair?

Well come and see what nature and science could NOT do. Mikey glues a mustache to his face and he becomes...(GASP) sexy! Or retarded. I get those two confused sometimes. And for an added sense of toughness throw in a fake tattoo. You might actually believe that Mikey is a rough and tumble street thug, instead of the pansy that cries his eyes out watching the Criterion Edition DVD of Steel Magnolias every night!